Valkyrie in Wonderland
by Liv Low
Summary: Skulduggery and Val are searching for a missing man from the sanctuary, or at least Skulduggery is. Valkyrie got bored and decided to take a nap. But when she wakes up she discovers that things have gone funny while she was asleep.


It was a typical day for our two favorite Irish detectives. Skulduggery Pleasant was standing in the middle of a forest, his pinstriped suit and matching hat stood out through the green of the trees surrounding them. Valkyrie Cain wasn't much better in her black trouser and jacket, a hint of red peeking out around her collar from behind her hair.

"Do you see anything?" she asked in a whisper.

"Not yet," Skulduggery's velvety voice replied.

"What about now?"

"No, Valkyrie."

"How about now?"

Skulduggery sighed. "Valkyrie, I'm not going to be able to find anything this way."

"Well sorry, but I'm bored."

"Then go look over there," he pointed over to a clump of bushes 10 feet away.

"But we already looked over there."

"No we didn't."

"Yes we did."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"No you're not," he said stubbornly.

"Can I take a nap?"

Skulduggery's skull turned towards her very slowly. "There is a missing person who is very important to the Sanctuary, he could be in trouble and you want to nap?"

"Yep, that about sums it up."

"If I let you nap will you let me keep looking without interrupting me?"

"I'm taking a nap whether you let me or not."

"Well that's not fair. If you do that then it will look like I don't have any authority over you."

"You don't have any authority over me."

"Yes I do. I am an authoritative person. My aura screams authority."

"Your aura?" Valkyrie looked at him skeptically.

"I couldn't think of a better word."

"Yeah, ok. I'm going to go take a nap now," she said walking away from her friend.

"I will allow you to take a nap." Skulduggery replied as he turned his attention back to the bush he had been inspecting before he had been distracted.

She sat down at the bottom of a tree and watched Skulduggery look around. They were looking for a missing person. His name had been something ridiculously normal for a sorcerer. '_Somebody _White or something like that,' she thought but she couldn't quite remember. Didn't matter. Her eyes slowly closed shut. It had been over a week since she last went home and had a good night's sleep. It was quiet now and she didn't have anything better to do. As she was drifting off to sleep she wondered how long she would be able to sleep before Skulduggery got them into trouble.

Valkyrie woke up feeling hot. When did it get so warm? She kept her eyes closed wanting to hold on to the last seconds of sleep before her mind woke up completely. Her eyes snapped open. She was warm! Her clothes, specially designed by Ghastly Bespoke, were supposed to keep her comfortable. Had she broken them? Was it even possible to break magic clothes?

She looked down, hoping that her clothes were alright. What she saw surprised her even more than the heat. She was wearing a dress. A DRESS! And it was baby blue!

"What the hell am I wearing?" She squealed in horror. "An apron? I feel like I walked out of Mother Goose!"

"You think that's bad? Look at me!" Behind her came a voice that was all too familiar.

Val turned around slowly. There stood an exact copy of herself. "Darquesse…" she whispered, but then she got a good look at her. Valkyrie Cain burst out laughing. There stood the person who had terrified her the most for years, wearing a pink frilly dress. Darquesse, like Val, had an apron on too and a pink bow in her dark hair.

Val had fallen on the ground by now, laughing up a storm. "Y-you look ridiculous!" she cried through her insane giggling. Darquesse kicked her but that only made her laugh harder.

"I can't believe I have to live in your head," Darquesse said trying to ignore Valkyrie's continuing giggles. After Val got a hold of herself she looked around, finally realizing something important.

"Where's Skulduggery?" she asked trying not to start into another fit of giggles.

"How should I know? One minute I'm watching you dreaming about Alice riding a purple and green cow, the next I'm standing behind you in this." She gestured at the dress with disgust. Valkyrie tried to hold back a snicker.

They stood there and stared for a while, not saying anything, until they heard a crack from behind them. They both turned looking deeper into the forest.

"You think that's Skulduggery?"

"It might be."

A flash of white in the distance caught Val's eye.

"What's that?"

The white appeared again but this time it didn't disappear. No, it came right towards them. Both of them got into a fighting stance. The white grew and grew until they recognized it as …

"Billy-Ray?"

Billy-Ray Sanguine was racing towards them, crashing through bushes. He nearly crashed into a tree twice but swerved at the last second. His hair had turned white and he was wearing a waistcoat with a large gold watch dangling from it, but that wasn't the weirdest part. There, sitting on top his head, were two large, white rabbit ears. Billy-Ray froze in front of them. His ears twitched.

"I'm la-" Before he could finish what he was saying Valkyrie hit him. Darquesse raised an eyebrow. "He had it coming." Valkyrie said as she shrugged. Darquesse didn't argue.

"We could kill him." She suggested.

"We could but we won't." Valkyrie glared at her. "He's defenseless and a bunny. I can't kill a bunny!"

"Why not?"

"Cause they're adorable."

"But it's Billy-Ray."

"But it's a bunny…"

"You're ridiculous."

"Shut up." Valkyrie snarled as she flung the unconscious man over her shoulder. "I want to find Skulduggery. Come on." She started walking in the direction Bill-Ray had come from.

"Why should I follow you?" Darquesse asked but followed Val anyway.

"Because you don't want to be the only one around wearing something like that?" Val suggested, still walking.

"True. Do you know where were going?"

"Not exactly but the Bentley was somewhere this way I think. And where the Bentley is Skulduggery is."

"Oh, great." Darquesse mumbled as together they went off in search of the skeleton detective.


End file.
